Thursday, May 13, 2010

Learn How to Control Your Anger

Image hosted by Life may not always seem fair. Oftentimes, you feel angry and frustrated, then later on wish you could have some degree of control over your emotions. This is quite understandable.

Of all human feelings, anger is probably the most difficult emotion to restrain. Being able to manage it well is the real mark of an effective person.

So, what are ways to manage anger? Here are some tips:

1. Breathe. Anger is an abstract term used to encapsulate that feeling of rage and passionate displeasure over something, someone, or maybe even yourself. It may feel so overwhelming that you normally seek ways to release it. You imagine yourself bursting into pieces if you fail to do so.

However, simply releasing it and exploding in fury often times result to a mess - leaving a trail of hurt feelings, unkind words, and damaged relations.

There is a better way of releasing anger systematically. Just breathe - inhale and exhale. Fill your brain and body with oxygen, and then count from one to ten. If you have an extremely negative thought about someone, try counting from one to ten until the anger subsides.

2. Never release your anger on persons or objects. This is the usual mistake of people who could not contain what they feel. Never punch someone or pound the mirror for you will only hurt yourself. Do not throw that flower vase! It is made of genuine China porcelain and is expensive. Do not throw your engagement ring! It is a handcrafted heirloom and it belonged to your fiancé's great-grandmother.

The list can go on but the bottom line is this: there is no point of lashing out on people or objects. You will only regret your actions; and there is no sense of accomplishment in having to pay for items that are ruined. The damage has been done and you will only feel deeply remorseful.

3. Refrain from doing anything when you are angry. Rational thinking evades you when you are overwhelmed or engulfed by emotions. In that state of fury, it is almost impossible to be rational about the things you do or say. It is only after you unleashed the anger that you begin to realize the greater damage that has been done, and then you feel regret and sorry afterwards. Even if you do ask for forgiveness, sometimes it is just too late. You have already hurt someone's feelings irreparably.

To prevent complicating things, seek relief from solitude and quietness. Be quiet. Do not curse - you may be liable for slander, defamation, or verbal abuse. Control yourself.

If you have to say something, make sure it will reap positive results. In one of the training sessions on personal development, one speaker shared this technique: If you feel angry with someone, say to yourself, "I bless you and wish you well". This will allow you to transform the situation into something favorable for both parties involved.

4. If you really, really need to express anger, leave and go somewhere else. If you badly need to say something or shout, go some place where no one could hear you. Go to the washroom and shout as loud as you can.

Better yet, release your anger by shouting in front of the mirror. When in front of the mirror, you will realize that anger does not look good on you at all. In some cases, people laugh upon seeing weird, contorted, and funny versions of themselves in the mirror.

5. Evaluate the reason for your anger. When you are already calm, look at the bigger picture. Realize that you may be putting the blame on others, forgetting that you are also accountable for the misunderstanding.

Ask yourself. What caused your anger? What triggered your fury? How did you react? What was the result? What will you do the next time? How can this experience turn you into a better person?

Sometimes, the problem might only be in the way you look at things. Maybe it is time for a change in perspective, after sensing bitterness, pessimism, and skepticism, as this will hamper your capability to establish meaningful relationships with people. Rather than taking this disruptive route, take advantage of the lessons that can be learned from such experience.

Remember these tips always!

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